Remember those cute puppies? When you give them bones, instead of finishing them up, they hide the bones in their secret spots? A perfect example of the notion of 珍惜. 珍惜 is a Chinese phase, 珍 can be translated into delicate, treasure-like, rare; while 惜 can be translated as the attempt to save, preserve, conserve, the ability to feel pitiful upon. Gosh how I love my own language. The close interpretation would be ‘to cherish’, in simple and plain English, but I am sure you get the hang of what 珍惜 means.

So many times there are people from all crosses of our lives, including sometimes ourselves, thinking of what we deserve, but it never occurs to us what it means to 珍惜。 Maybe we only realize what it is worth when we lose it, but is it possible to avoid this little existential tradegy? Health, is a simple but yet pervasive example. When our health is gone, our mortal soul will be trapped in our flesh and our bone. That is quite a scary thought; well, but most of us don’t care, do we?

We are reminded that our bodies exist when things go wrong. Remember the last time you were really sick?

Or remember the last time you pour out your heart towards someone and (s)he doesn’t even bother to take hold of the bone; your innocence got silently and brutally stripped, replaced by perhaps the ability to shun yourself and remain impervious to others’ bones. As if you don’t care anymore. Hm.. but with our basic instinct, will it eventually guide us back to the initial euphoria of finding our bones?

Are all the bones the same? or they are essentially different?

Where is your bone? When was the last time you delicately place it in your secret spot, smiling because you know you have found it? When when was the last time you forget about it?
May you be happy with your bone, and remember how great it feels when you first found it.

I’m blogging much more these few days as I have a lot to think about, and sometimes it’s hard to talk to someone about it because I am so confusing anyway – writing it helps. And finishing the thesis has left me too much time with just me, and my computer, so here I am..

It’s quite an interesting day, with the highlight of picking up my powerbook – they changed the screen, the keyboard, and logicboard (which attached the usb and other hubs) and I feel like I have a new mac! That’s pretty cool considering I’m gonna stick with it for at least another year. Don’t know what you think about macbook – but honestly and truthfully I don’t like the keyboard and the built-in camera – well if you’re a guy maybe you don’t care, but it’s pretty nerve-racking to have a camera that you can’t really cover while you’re changing clothes. Okay okay, I know if the camera is on the light is on – but who knows? If I were a hacker, I would love to hack into all the cameras and spook the green light so that I’ll get to know what’s going on behind all the macs…

Right. So Cath, what’s the point of writing this blog? Well it’s a long story. I’ve been quite angry recently, about people in my life that give me too much stress. As much as I don’t want them to affect my emotional well-being, they somehow link to people who mean something to me. that’s tricky. Have you ever talked to someone who just won’t listen? And whenever they get a chance they would just press on their opinion? Right. Something like that. Also it’s about respect again – there are times you know people who are heartless, but you don’t want to deal with them. Incidentally you did, so what do you do next? Ignore them? But your ID tells you to bite them. Your Ego tells you to yell at them. And your Superego tells you that they are wrong. That’s it – every single pore, vein and cell in your body is reacting to the anger boiling through your soul. What do you do?

Right. You blog. And as much as you don’t understand what you’re writing, it doesn’t stop you from feeling better.

Man I miss writing crap.

Talking about that, I have to drift from my shopping list to lecturing you guys about the the importance of safety net. There are people when they started off a relationship, they basically ignore all their friends. As much as we try to see things in their light, we can’t help but pissed. What? All the years we invested in the friendship a boy/girl comes by and scoop her/him away?

No, at this point you need to hold back your anger. It’s quite natural that this happens. After all I doubt how many of us can have our superego defeating our id. (well if you are not interested in Freudian you can look up Wikipedia, but having said that we’re not that in tune so you can probably passed this blog anyway…) But if you really treat your friend as your good friend, you will probably remember life is unpredictable. Once they break up they will need your company. So the point is, when you’re dating someone, try to keep the safety net open, keep company to your friends. Meet your girlfriends to discuss what’s going on. Keep your sanity in control.

I realize it’s very important for one to be single, and to travel and while experiencing your own true self. There are people who look at their lives in a here-and-now perspective – they don’t care much about their family, their future, of course not to mention the community and the society they live in. But I had come sense that these people are not necessarily the happiest. Buddhism talks about detachment and how the ability to detach from all the wants and lusts can free your soul – I think this doctrine can be too extreme for some of us, so I adopted it and modified it – when you put other people’s feelings and needs the first, you come to realize yours are not as important, and that empowers and liberates your true wants. After all life is just a journey, and it’s nothing more than just to be with someone you care.

Hm… I guess leaving home for a year is enough to wake up the introspective me – thanks for bearing this by reading the blog up till here. I will write more about my taoism/buddhism thinking when I have the time…

PS: so much about being psuedo-deep… I need to dry clean a jacket that my mom bought me when I was visiting New York during the winter, which is very cute and feather light. ;)